Grieving

There can never be a book on "how to grieve" because we are all individuals and the relationships that we have are unique. The way that I react to loss will not be the way anyone else reacts in a similar situation. And that is a good point to make. Don't allow anyone to tell you how to grieve. You are the only one that can know what you need to do in order to come to terms with your loss.

The loss of a loved one is something that you will never get over. Some people will tell you that you will get over it or maybe they will tell you to get over it. You will, however, learn to cope with the loss. And the strength of the feelings will diminish with time.

Learning to cope with the loss is one of life's greatest challenges. Depending upon how much the loss affects your life, it can take months or it can take years.

If someone you know is going through a loss, call or drop by often. Many people think that they will be intruding but just knowing that someone is thinking about them will help. Maybe set up a weekly call or visit for a few months, something that the person can look forward to.

When visiting or talking, don't try to cheer them up or be bubbly and happy. It's like a foreign language to someone who is grieving. They simply cannot relate. Speak in subdued tones or don't say anything at all. Just sitting with the person and allowing them to take the lead can be a wonderful thing.

It is also o.k. to ask specific questions about how they are doing and to talk about the dead person. I know, you don't want to make the person cry, but that person will be crying anyway so allow him or her to talk (and cry) about the loved one.

Mentioning the bereaved person on special occasions is a kind thing to do. "You must me missing ____ today." It's a nice way of acknowledging what they are going through.

If you are going through the process of grief, my thoughts go out to you. I have been there. You will be alright.