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October, 2008

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Growing Up Disabled

I am the youngest of 5 children. I was born in the Bronx, NY with spina bifida. I spent lots of time in hospitals. When it was time for me to attend school in 1963, I went to P.S. 85. I was in a special class with other kids with various disabilities. I have to tell you my early years in school were useless. I did not learn to read until I was in second grade, and that was only because I had a home study teacher after one of my surgeries. She brought me a book and I told her the only word I could read was AND. She said, "Cecilia, by the time I get through with you, you will know how to read this book backward and forward." Thank God for her! The main course of study in my school was "playtime." So, when I reached the 7th Grade my Mom asked me where I wanted to go to school. I said, "I want to be with normal kids, Mom." You all should understand that in my family I was not treated carefully. If I fell, I was told to get up. If I wanted something, I had to get it. By the time I reached 13-years old, I thought I could handle being out in the world. Not realizing how different I was from the rest of the world, I was crushed by the stares and curiousity of others. Of course, I got angry! I would say things like, "Take a picture it lasts longer!" or scream some obscenity.

The first day of High School, which was actually the 10th Grade, I was probably PMSing and went to school in a cab with a few of my friends. I always did everything for myself and never wanted help. As I got out of the cab at the entrance of the school with most of the kids present, I went to close the cab door and lost my balance and fell. Everyone laughed at me and I died of embarrassment. I had a horrible day! When I got home, I called my favorite sister, who I hoped would comfort me.

When I finished telling my tale of woe to her, this is how she responded. She said, "I am so sorry that you have to go through this, Cecilia, but I've got news for you. This is it! You will have this for the rest of your life. Now, you have a choice. You can lay down and die or you can pick yourself up and do something with yourself. Either way the choice is yours."

Needless to say, I was devasted by this reality. My sister told me later that all she wanted to do was tell me I would be alright. She told me it was the hardest thing she ever had to say to anyone. Thank God she was there. I needed to hear this and it propelled me. Her words put me on my path to my life. I realized a little at a time, of course, that I set the tone. I cannot control anyone else but myself. Any mistakes that happen along the way are mine to make and to correct. Blame is not an option. Self-pity happens occassionally and is used to rejuvenate.

I hope some of you, who are just beginning your journey, benefit from what I shared with you. The road is never easy. Anything worth having requires strength, fortitude and faith. You will have the life you design and perhaps have fun along the way. I got lucky!

By Cecilia Zwanzig

Contributor's Note
This story gives you a little insight into what it's like to be disabled from birth. The mountains you must scale day after day just to survive in this world. The person you are reading about has never asked to be treated any differently than you or I. She has worked her entire life when she could have lived on assistance. I have never met any other person in my life who has faced so many obstacles and overcame them all. She has touched countless lives throughout her entire life with her kind words and deeds. She continues to do the same today, and I suspect she will to her last breath. I am extremely privaleged to know her and very grateful to have her in my life. She may be my cousin, but more importantly to me she is my friend. I will forever hold her in the highest esteem and regard.

Daniel