Contrary to conventional wisdom, good marriages are not made in heaven. They are very much made on earth, and between couples who have respect for each other. Without respect, no marriage can survive. If the man has ego, the woman has vanity. The two can’t meet unless each bends down to accommodate the other. For those who want to have a good marriage, they must learn to communicate. Lack of communication breeds indifference and mistrust, which over a period of time destroys the best of marriages. You must therefore learn to talk to each other if you want your marriage to survive.
Also, you must not hesitate to argue. You must discuss issues threadbare, even if you hold diametrically opposite points of view. A healthy argument washes away ill-feelings. Otherwise, they accumulate, and turn into sores that never heal.
You must remember that every relationship will have its pluses and minuses. There will be slights and imagined slights; frustration and fights. One way is to carry this baggage with you. The other is to discard it, and carry the moments you cherish. Your marriage will become much happier and purposeful if you do the latter.
You must learn to touch each other every day. A small touch, a light pat, a gentle caress have miraculous powers. They can sweep away anger and distrust, and make you feel light and cheerful.
Also, learn to spend time with each other. Don’t allow your responsibilities, children or your work to come in between you. You will find that there will be less of misunderstanding and more of affection if you spend quality time with each other.
Yet another way to have a good marriage is to respect each other. Do not try to slight your partner, especially before others. It is one wound that never heals. Marriages can survive only on mutual self-respect. No one partner can assume the role of a superior.
You will find that as time passes your likes and dislikes grow. You tend to become less patient, and more demanding. Remember that just as you have a right to become more demanding so does your spouse. Such an approach or attitude is a sure recipe for disaster. There can only be clashes and no understanding if you refuse to change with time.
Marriage is more than a physical bond. It’s an emotional relationship that is always on trial. You have to learn to be emotionally stable if you want to have a good marriage.
