Man Flu & The Slipper Shuffle

You can't blame me! It's that bloomin 'Slipper Shuffle and Accompanying Groan' that really gets my back up!

And before we delve into this any further you need to understand a couple of things;

1. If you are a male reading this, then you should either hit the back button, use it to get some tips or try to get in touch with your feminine side. Think of it as a lesson in love...or a lesson in life and a way to avoid Tomato Soup!

2. If you're female - then all cards of sympathy (for me) can be forwarded to Nikki at http://www.webmums.ning.com

So here it is, my husband is in hospital with a stomache problem. The Docs don't know what's wrong with him as they can't seem to find anything conclusive from the gazillion tests they have run. He may be out today (he's been in for two nights so far) or he may stay in a little longer whilst they prod and probe a bit more (there was some probing - he wasn't happy about that).

It started about a week ago when I was recovering from a nasty bout of 'unexplained virus'.
Whilst trying to carry on running a home and looking after three children, my husband decided that he wasn't feeling very well and retired to bed - having taken the day off work.

This evoked two initial reactions from me; On one hand I was stomping about and muttering things to myself like 'Oh, it's alright for you. You can just take a day off and lay in bed' etc etc
And then whenever he appeared downstairs, I immediately thought 'Ugh! Can't you just stay upstairs instead of shuffling around down here and 'sighing loudly' a lot'.
So, you see, he really didn't stand a chance from the offset.

At intermittent intervals, he would appear downstairs and 'shuffle' around in his slippers, whilst bent over and graoning alot. Yes, he had a temperature, yes it was followed with severe shivering but he had nothing (at this point) that I hadn't had myself whilst running the afore-mentioned home.
I never had the luxury of taking to my bed so I had very little sympathy for this 'shuffling, groaning man'.

Whilst we're on the subject - Why do men groan and sigh so much when they're rough? Is it something they can't control or is it just to let you know how bad they feel? Do they not realise that every loud sigh and groan sounds like a small child dragging their finger nails down a chalkboard and derives absolutely no emotion from a woman other than .... irritation?

Anyway - this went on for 3 days. Moaning, sweats and then the pain in the stomache. Finally, after speaking to NHS direct (to a male health advisor), I was advised to take him to casualty - where he was admitted to hospital.

He has been in for two nights and just called to say that he will be in there for a 3rd night as his temperature is still slightly raised. The Docs have no idea what's wrong with him as every test he's had done has been 'inconclusive'. He's had an ultrasound, an X-Ray and an endoscopy (not forgetting the 'probing') - all showing 'nothing'.

Now he is complaining that he feels better and wants to come home. Why? Because last night he was given Tomato Soup and tonight the Champions League Final is on TV! So maybe that's what is needed to cure a man - a dose of hospital food and the possibility of missing a big game.

Personally I think that he's been hospitalised for a virus that I had - twice (it flared up again). He slipper-shuffled and moaned about it - and I dealt with it like a......woman!

So what is the point of this intel? Did you gain anything from reading it at all? Well, if you are a man - you know that shuffling around in your slippers (pants and dressing gown) is not going to earn you any brownie points from a woman, and your moaning could lead you to consuming tomato soup and missing a vital game.
And if you are a woman, you can have the satifaction of nodding your head whilst revelling in a sense of camaraderie as I'm sure that you have dealt with your own fair share of man-flu before too.

Finally, I started this intel by saying that I felt a little guilty. I'd like to point out that the phonecall about missing the football came half-way through me writing this and has lifted any sense of guilt I may have been feeling before....

I'd also like to finish by adding that I like tomato soup - it's a girl thing and not a form of torture as my husband would have you think!