Overcoming Stressful Thoughts

It is my belief that if you are experiencing anxiety and/or depression what you are really suffering from is stressful thoughts. These thoughts are sometimes so ingrained in us that we don't even know we are thinking them. However, our brains and bodies still receive the message of these thoughts and react accordingly, causing our discomfort.

The first step to overcoming stressful thoughts is to recognize them. Below are some examples of what I consider to be stressful thoughts:

“WHAT IF” THOUGHTS

Any thought that begins with the words “what if” is likely to be stressful. For example: “What if I get in a car accident?”, “What if my spouse cheats on me?”, “What if I make a fool of myself”. Basically any thought which has you contemplating something that is not happening in your current reality (and most likely never will) is a stressful thought.

SELF DOUBTING THOUGHTS

My favorite self doubting thought used to be, “I can't handle this!” This was my mantra whenever life handed me a challenging situation. However, in the end I did indeed handle those situations, I just would have done so a lot quicker and more efficiently without the thought that I couldn't. Some other self doubting thoughts would be: “I'm not good enough.”, “I'm not lovable.”, “I'm too fat, thin, tall, short, etc.”.

THOUGHTS OF PAST HURTS

When actors need to cry on cue they often summon a painful memory to assist them. When we allow ourselves to dwell too long on past hurts we are summoning our own pain.

ANGRY OR BLAMING THOUGHTS

When we hold others responsible for our pain or discomfort then the only hope for our relief is that they change. Since we can't make them change we wind up feeling hopeless and powerless.

The next time you are feeling depressed or anxious, try to investigate your thoughts and identify the stressful ones behind your actions. Even if you can't identify the stressful thought, just assume it is there and move on to the next step.

The next step to overcoming stressful thoughts is to interrupt or distract yourself from the thought. Essentially what you want to do is change your thought patterns. You can do this by engaging in just about any activity such as washing the dishes or doing jumping jacks or even playing a computer game. If you are feeling too depressed to do anything then just think a neutral thought, sing a nursery rhyme or count to one thousand, anything that will get you to focus on something other than your stressful thought.

This may be all you can do at first and it may be enough to temporarily relieve some of your emotional discomfort. Eventually though you must begin to challenge your stressful thoughts. This becomes a simple matter of calling them out for the nonsense that they are. For example, if you are afraid to leave your house because of the thought, “What if I get in a car accident?”, just remind yourself of the countless times that you have left the house and returned unscathed. Replace the stressful thought with a more positive one, “It is very unlikely that I will get in a car accident.”

Another way to challenge your stressful thoughts is what I like to call the SO WHAT method. SO WHAT if you're not good enough, SO WHAT if your boyfriend in the 10th grade cheated on you, SO WHAT? In this way you are not necessarily denying the stressful thought but recognizing that, even if it is true, it is still a waste of time to be thinking it. SO WHAT is a way of robbing the stressful thought of its power over you.

Finally, after you challenge your stressful thoughts it is important to have positive thoughts and experiences to replace them. Begin a new hobby, read a biography of someone whose life inspires you or spend some time with someone who can make you laugh. Before you know it your stressful thoughts will have left you and even if they return, you'll be ready for them.