Becoming engaged is an exciting time in one's life. Dreams come alive about your future. Hopes for what life will be like spring forth. The realities of what marriage will be like, unfortunately are often overlooked. One of the realities you may have to deal with if this is a remarriage is your fiance's ex-spouse. OUCH! Touchy subject for most people. While it may sound like a good idea to detest this person, I suggest looking at things from a different point of view. Instead, why not be grateful! "Grateful!" you may say. Think about it. If they were still in the picture, you never would have met this incredible person you're planning a new life with! Be thankful that they're longer married to your fiance.
Looking at this person from this unique angle helps you to put a positive spin on what is typically a tense situation. It's important to realize this person will become a part of your life when you get married to your partner. While he/she may be the ex-spouse, they are also the other parent. Your fiance and their ex will have the business of raising their kids together from now on. Yes, you'll be a part of that, but you entering the picture doesn't push the ex-spouse out.
With that in mind, it's really important for you to do everything in your power to keep your relationship with your fiance's ex civil. No matter how rude the ex-spouse may be to you, your partner or even the kids, this will always be the better course. You being nasty and hateful only makes things harder for everyone. If you start a war with this person, you will only make things more difficult for your fiance and soon to be step children.
Whether your fiance's relationship with his/her ex-spouse is conflictual or not, these two people have to work together when it comes to the kids. Do you want to add fuel to the fire and make that more difficult?
Your step children will more than likely be shoved into the middle of arguments or hard feelings between their other parent and you. They will get stuck hearing about how much their other parent doesn't like you, and not feel allowed to show any positive feelings toward you. Is that what you're hoping to achieve?
My hope is that the last thing you want to do is add to an already tense situation. While it may be uncomfortable to watch you fiance have to deal with a difficult ex-spouse or to directly be snubbed this ex, it's in everyone's best interest for you to "turn the other cheek."
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Contributor's Note
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