Effective Parenting Skills - At What Point Does Spoiling A Child Begin? Spoiling a child doesn't happen overnight. It culminates from a series of events and early decisions in a child's life made by the parents for the child. The direction of such decisions will develop a child's preferences, eventually determining the child's reactions to others, eating habits, study habits and social skills. Today, children have too many chooses before they are ready for them.
Often, because parents have demands from work that leave them little time for the child, parents end up feeling guilty. This sets the groundwork for spoiling. To ease guilty feelings and keep the peace, parents, today, often choose to give material things and give in to tantrums. The way the child is dealt with among adults is inconsistent, too. This leads to a spoiled child.
Here are two extreme cases as examples. Chase, who is ten years old, is the first example. Unless he gets rewards, such as toys or electronic games, he refuses to cooperate in going to school or doing his schoolwork. Until he gets his way, he will bang his head repeatedly on the wall.
Because such demands will only increase to bigger, more self-centered demands, giving in is the wrong thing to do. The second example is Paul, who is four. He does not have any appreciation for his belongings because he gets new toys almost every day. If he breaks a toy, he just says, "We can just buy a new one."
Punishment and discipline are often thought of as the same thing. But reward and punishment are just aspects of discipline. To instill a sense of responsibility in children such as Paul and Chase, the best way is to consistently apply discipline while keeping in mind the child's level of understanding. It begins with clarity on what the child is allowed to do and what he or she is not allowed to do. The child will gradually internalize a moral compass that directs him or her in making decisions if the parents are consistent and clear.
In Chase's case, the inconsistency occurred in the different way his parents dealt with him. His mother established rules about limiting the number of toys being bought and the amount of time that could be spent playing with his electronic games. But his father would unintentionally sabotage her efforts by giving him new toys and letting him play games when they were together as he was trying to spend 'quality' time with him.
Discipline can't be done overnight, it is a process that must be ongoing. It means that parents and guardians must make compromises constantly to be consistent with the children's discipline. Personal values and family dynamic must also be taken into consideration. The issues in Paul's case are very clear. Paul is the youngest of two boys and each is from a different marriage. Because she is away from home most of the time, Paul's mother find it hard to spend much time with her children. To keep Paul quiet and keep him from throwing tantrums, she frequently gives in to his demands.
It is not too late to begin disciplining your child. You and your partner need to sit down and make a list of the areas in your child's life that need to be addressed. What you do now will make a difference in the kind of person your child will become in the future.
