Remember the one where two mothers are sitting around discussing their children? One mother kindly says “Her child is a coward, yours is timid and mine is careful.” My children were always what I kindly called “spirited”. Others might say “bloody-minded”. Now that they’re older, one might call them somewhat opinionated. When they were younger, this “spiritedness” often manifested as over-activity and aggressiveness towards each other. (After all, both of them were “right”.)
I never really liked the idea of seating the kids in a chair or room for a period of time as a disciplinary measure. Social ostracism works as punishment, but do we really want our children to learn only about feeling guilty and bad? Wouldn’t it be better to focus on the positive? Just sitting and doing nothing leads to brooding and mutterings of resentment which is counterproductive. I mean, aside from the handful of prisoners who find God, don’t most inmates spend their time focussing on their negative state? I feel that, just as time out of society doesn’t usually rehabilitate adults, it doesn’t do wonders for children either. Instead, the time out can be used constructively for changing the negative energy into a positive force.
When things got out of hand, instead of punishing them, I used to make the kids take a time out to sit and chant the mantra “Om Mani Padme Hum”.
Chanting “Om Mani Padme Hum” creates a state of compassion that manifests in a subtle way on a longterm basis and in the short term creates a state of calm and peace. The simple teaching of this mantra is the concept that when the heart and mind become united anything is possible. The rough translation for Om Mani Padme Hum is: "Om and salutations to the jewel of the mind that has reached the lotus of the heart".
Ask (or tell!) them to sit in the lotus or crosslegged position, close their eyes and take a few deep breaths. Then begin the chanting. I always used the “Om Mani Padme Hum”, because it is easy to remember and is very calming. It’s also more “magical” than words they know and understand and, hence, more fun and playful.
You can either sit down with them and do the meditation as well (initially, you’ll have to demonstrate it anyway) or let them get on with it. The time out meditation will soothe your frazzled nerves as well whether you participate or not.
Small children may not be able to do this time out meditation for more than a few minutes. Depending on their age, that’s all they need. Chanting the mantra won’t turn them into little buddhas overnight, but it will restore sanity and peace for a while as well as getting them started on a spiritual practice.
Later on, they may be keen on trying other meditations such as guided visualisations to a safe place or simple visualizations. As they understand more, you might add other mantras according to your spiritual tradition.
According to H.H. The Dalai Lama: "Thus the six syllables, Om Mani Padme Hum, mean that in dependence on the practice which is in indivisible union of method and wisdom, you can transform your impure body, speech and mind into the pure body, speech, and mind of a Buddha."
Ok, so my kids aren’t quite little buddhas. They are still too “spirited” for that, but they are on the path …
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