About 11 years ago, we were thrushed into the fold of becoming emergency child care providers. Pushed, shoved or out of family obligation was pretty much more like it. The fact of the matter is that this event showed me how the Child Protective System worked. The children involved helped to change some of the rules that were in placed for the CPS in Hawaii.
Child Protective Services is an agency that is to prevent children from being abused. Mentally or physically. I guess after you are done reading this you can be the judge. Are they really effective at what they set out to do?
In May of 1996, four children were taken from their single mother who lef themon their own from Friday night to Tuesday morning. A girl of 9, a boy of 6, an 18 month old toddler and a 5 month old infant. They were left unattended until the landlord who lives in the main house checked to find out why the infant was crying incessantly.
This is where the story starts or at least begins for the four children.
A little background information: Each child with respect of the last two had different fathers. The mother had family members that were called by the 6 year old to ask if their Grandmother could bring them food. Grandmother instead called the police.
Where do we come in, the last two boys. They were inadvertently borne from an illicit affair that resulted in their birth. My nephews. Of course at this point we didn't know anything about this until the top newscaster got on the phone to call my Mom, who was smart enough to put her on hold while she called me on the other line.
Long story shortened a bit. The children's story hit the newspaper, the radio and of course the television network. This story was prime for about two months.
The children had been previously taken from their mother 3 times. The Mother had from what the oldest stated, gotten back to smoking something that made them feel ill. The CPS knew this and still they gave the children back to her three times. Apparently when this news broke, not only did an investigation ensue in Hawaii but in other parts of the United States. The CPS was knowingly giving back children to unfit parents.
As soon as we found out the circumstances of the children, we contacted CPS to allow my parents to take them until the matter was resolved. The children were taken on a Tuesday, I got in touch with them early Wednesday. We were told to fill out papers and get emergency clearance for emergency lodging. The house was checked and deemed a proper environment. My Mom and Dad lived in a 3 bedroom home which we added an additional 2 rooms. They were the only ones living in the house at the time.
All paper work done, but we were told the paperwork for the children was not complete and wouldn't be completed until the following Monday.
The two oldest were put in a home together while the youngest were separated. This of course got on my nerves. Red tape. I knew the damage this can cause to even the smallest child, trauma caused by separation and in this case separation from everyone and everything they were familiar with was going to be unmeasurable.
The 18 month old, already had problems, after talking to the oldest child she explained that her little brother had a had a habit of hitting his head on the ground while rocking back and forth when stressed. I informed their CPS worker to make sure that the home that had the two youngest was aware of this problem. The concern was great but even with this knowledge they made us wait until late Monday the following week.
Their first CPS worker was a young lady who was about 22 yrs. old. Single and never made money babysitting while she was younger. Myth dispelled. I always assumed for some reason that people who worked in this kind of profession were the kind of people who grew up surrounded by children. The need to take on this profession was because they wanted to play a part protecting children. Unfortunately, in my dealings with the CPS workers, most of them was told to go into this profession by family, so it was a job.
A guardian at litum was assigned to the children. A lady about 45 years old, who lived alone and had never been married. A guardian at litum is an attorney of sorts to make sure that the children's well being was taken care of while they are in the system.
By Monday, we had to meet with the Guardian at Litum and the CPS worker. The deal my parents were given was to take all or none. Well, in this situation I guess we didn't have a choice. I urged my aging parents to take them. Okay, my Dad had just retired and my Mom was still working, but the need to take care of the children was greater.
In comes the absent family members (the mother's side) who after all the paper work was completed and the children placed in my parents home, came out of the wood works. Their motivation: Money. Which is laughable considering my parents were given less than $500 per month for each child. Two were still in diapers, one required baby formular. The children didn't have any clothes and the ones they did have didn't fit. The two oldest who were school age needed school supplies and the money, well that came after each month. Meaning, you spend then you get paid.
I called them the family from hell. Based on what we were told by the children, these so called Uncle and Auntie and Grandparents were never around. Unfortunately, because they were family we had to, yes, had to allow them visitation rights and eventually sleepovers.
Unscheduled CPS visits as well as visits from the Guardian at Litum were part of the procedure. The children bonded with our family. Although the children lived with my parents, I was a constant fixture at the house. With every family visits I needed to be there. When their Mom was finally allowed to visit, it was under the circumstances that she fulfilled the requirements. She didn't want her family visiting, because they were never there to begin with and they were estranged. Unfortunately, her wishes were not heard as she had temporarily lost custody of her children.
The home visits was not a big deal, however what became a big deal was the disruption caused by the weekend sleepovers that was required. The 6 year old boy would come home to tell us that they were told not to listen to us. The oldest was told we needed to buy her things because we got money for them. They both told us that they didn't need to listen to us because we were getting paid.
Okay, that is not their fault. They were being told this and it took almost the whole week to get them to see that what they were being told was wrong. But, of course they would go back each weekend. Even, when we invited the CPS worker and the Guardian at Litum to hear what the children were saying, they didn't think it was fair to stop the visits, because they were family.
Whenever the workers would visit, they always took the children to their room and interviewed them alone. A court appointment to confirm placement was done, in which the Guardian at Litum expressed the well placement of the children. I fortunately was allowed to speak and explained what was happening. The judge sided with the workers and thought it best to allow the visits but with less intervals. Well, at least things quieted down a little and the children could worry only about being kids.
The oldest boy's Aunt on his father's side requested visitation. The family didn't want to allow it. However, I realized that she would be the key to helping him get back together with his father. I persuaded the workers to allow the oldest boy to have vistations with his Aunt. Which was such a pleasant change. She was a pre-school teacher, with the most well mannered little girls I'd ever seen. So, different from the other family, a breath of fresh air. However, regardless of how great this was for the older boy, the family balked and tried hard to stop these visits. When the boy got interviewed he had nothing but great things to say. My reports to the workers however were always good which helped keep this relationship going.
When the youngest turned 1 year old, the family requested to have him included in the sleepover. He did not take well to his Aunt. Whenver she came to visit all he did was cry when she tried to hold him. The boy had bonded with my Mom at first site. Our protest was left on deaf ears. We were ordered to allow the sleepover.
Heart sickening worry filled us as each week. The 6 year old would come home and express his worries at not being able to watch his little brother. They have stairs he'd say and he exclaimed how he couldn't watch both of his younger brothers and in tears exclaimed what would happen if he fell down the steps. He thought it was his responsibility to watch his younger siblings.
Again, we brought in the workers and they did nothing. We watched each time when they came to pick up the kids, the youngest crying his heart out, but our hands were tied. The cutest and saddest thing came out of the 18 month old who was 2 1/2 at the time. He told his brother they had to go.
The family did a number on the oldest child she believed everything they told her to the point where an emergency meeting was called. Fortunately, the older boy couldn't be controlled. He had to tell us why we were being summoned and what his Aunt was telling his sister to say.
Long story short, that day I managed to bring with me witnesess that would help prove that we were not abusing the children. The final decree was to keep the children with my family. I still don't know to this day if I made the right decision.
I am very good at words and very tactful with it when I need to be. I relinquished the two oldest to their respective family. The Aunt wanted her that bad and at the time I thought it was the best thing for her. The amount of stress and the possibility of my family being charged with child abuse was I thought too much to handle. Never proven, no matter how many reports they received and how many unscheduled visits, they never saw the house messy, the children gained a lot of weight, their grades were good, they had clothes that fit them, they had toys, Santa finally found them, they had allowances just like my kids, but I didn't think I could put my Mom and Dad through anymore of it considering the fact that my Dad had just been diagnosed with Lung Cancer.
The next day the children packed their things and were sent off. The little girl cried and asked me to keep her. But, unfortunately the decision was already done.
I've kept up sort of with the children, to see how they were after wards. The oldest got back with his father although his Aunt became his legal guardian. He is doing well.
The oldest, well . . . the decision to give her to the Aunt was forced on her. Her husband didn't like the idea, they had two boys of their own. But, the decision was made. I saw a picture of her in my oldest daughter's High School Year Book. Where once there was a twinkle of life in her eyes, there was none in that picture. Did I make the right decision, I still think about that once in awhile.
As for any reimbursement of money spent, lol . . we gave up the two and the check that usually comes one month later never came. I could never figure out why people think the money is that great. Unfortunately, there are those that only do it for the money.
The two youngest were adopted by my Mom, with the pre-requisite that I always be around and guardianship goes to me and my husband should anything happen. The adoption was finalized the morning my Dad died.
The day we went to court, the family was there. They were invited by the Guardian at Litum who pleaded with the judge to allow them visitation even after the adoption decree that day. Fortunately after my little splee, the judge left it up to my Mom to decide if their presence in the childrens life was going to help the children grow up to become well adjusted. Throughout the whole ordeal my Mom took a lot of abuse from this family. They entered the house without knocking when I wasn't there. I surprised their grandma once when I parked my car away from the house just to see if it was true. It never happened again. They would demean my Mom whever I wasn't around, so I made sure I was and made the time to be there with each visit.
I now realize that the system is very flawed. I know children should be protected, but what type of protection do they really get from Child Protective Services. From my experience, there really needs to be a better way of guaging how much control they have over the children. Even when the children themselves tell them what's going on, they seem to take it with a grain of salt. I understand that the need to take them away from an abusive situation is necessary. What I don't understand is the pressure they put on care providers and the lack of control they are given regardless of the facts they are told.
There are kids that should be taken away from their abusive families. But, with all that my family went through, I don't know if the children are better off with their families or not. Since that experience I have seen abuse with children I've worked with. But, within that abuse I also see remorse from their parents.
The system should teach the abusive parents, parenting skills as well as provide much needed psychiatric care to get down to the bottom of why they abuse their children. Abuse is not just manhandling a child, it is words that shouldn't be spoken that demeans them, abuse is lack of nourishment as well as lack of basic necessities.
The system doesn't provide a screening for families that are allowed to contact the children. But, there is a strenuous screening for families that want to provide for them. Just because someone is blood related it doesn't mean they are fit to be included in a child's life, especially if they have been absent prior to their placement in foster care. If there is evidence that their contact with the children is disruptive to the family who cares for them why do they let it continue?
There are changes to the CPS system, but I still don't think it's good enough. Children are still being placed in danger and returned back to their families. Children who have loving parents who inadvertently didn't mean to put their child in harms way go through the heartache of losing their children because they made a mistake.
I worked with this married man, who rushed off from work one day. No explanation whatsoever, but the look on his face told us it was something awful. He and his wife had a six month old little girl. His wife left the baby in the living room while she ironed in the kitchen, which was a good distance. However, the child was always in view and she didn't realize that the baby had learned to crawl. The phone rang, she stopped ironing to answer the phone. Not a minute after she said "Hello" her baby was screaming. She had managed to crawl to the kitchen and pulled the iron, which landed on her chest. An emergency visit to the hospital "required" the attending physician to report the matter to CPS. The outcome: They lost their baby for 6 months. They threatened to take their two year old as well.
Were they unfit parents? That was the decision made. They did get their daughter back, they prevented their 2 year old from being taken. But, that 6 month loss put a strain on their marriage with his wife blaming herself for being such a terrible mother. It was an accident. Two professionals, great clean house, wife choosing to quit her job to stay home made a mistake and lost their child for 6 months. No drugs, no abuse, just a plain simple accident.
I have heard of many incidents since we went through our ordeal. Good parents who make mistakes losing their kids. Foster Care providers who are abused by the families who later ends up giving the children up because of the abuse. Children going from foster home to foster home because of the unending circle of craziness. That's what I call it. The children's family has too many control and the child provider's hands are tied and they are to take it in order to ensure the safety of the children. But, some can't take it. So, the children lose.
The CPS system still needs to be reworked, I don't know how they'll do it, because the people who run the program well, many of them are single or don't have children. How can they tell if someone is a good parent or a bad parent, how can they tell who is a good influence or a bad influence if they themselves do not have children.
Our story ends with a good outcome. A lot of patience and a lot of love and a lot of tongue biting, lol . . The boys are now in Middle School. The youngest is a brainiac, lol . . he gets lots of awards and is in the honors program, the older is into sports, has a hard time with school work, but is improving. He just made the Who's Who of Sports. They have been told that they are adopted. It was touch and go there for awhile but they have settled in and though they don't seem curious, I think in time they'll want to know who the rest of their family are.
We were thrushed into the fold of being care providers for children. It is not the easiest thing to do. A lot of sacrifices of the heart is needed as well as financial sacrifice. Children as just that kids who need love and acceptance. The money is nothing, it's not near enough of what you really spend if you treat them as your own.
This article is to honor those that provide such care and sacrifice. They are the unsung heroes who take children and give them a better life. If you are a CPS worker, well, if this offends you, I apologize. However, this is based on actual experience not a story.
