Here are two more secrets 12-Step based programs are afraid you'll uncover. Secret # 5 - You Don't Really Have to be "In Recovery" Forever!
Do you really want to be "in recovery" forever? Of course not! It's boring, depressing, humiliating, and bad for you. You want to get a grip and get over it.
Besides, focusing on alcohol won't reduce your dependency on alcohol and being "in recovery" is more apt to make you drink than save you from it. Don't you want to focus on where you want to go, not where you've been?
You wouldn't drive looking in the rear view mirror, would you? NO! And you wouldn't work to improve your golf game by focusing on slices and missed putts or how awful you played last year.
That's exactly what going to endless meetings is like. All those depressing people sitting around on uncomfortable chairs, drinking bad coffee, dying for cigarettes, and introducing themselves with, "Hi, I'm Fred, I'm an alcoholic." With that focus, that identity, he'll stay an alcoholic, but you don't have to.
Instead focus on your life without alcohol's problems, just like professional athletes focus on being winners. Successful people concentrate on doing things right, not on what they did wrong.
Have you ever watched those amazing girl gymnasts in the Olympics as they work on the balance beams? Do you think they focus on falling off? No, they visualize doing their best and winning.
Have you ever hung a picture and got ready to drive a nail into the wall? Of course you were afraid you'd hit your thumb instead of the nail with the hammer, and, that worry being your focus, you did just that. Ouch!
Granted, we're not all Olympic athletes, but success in every endeavor follows pretty much the same path. Focus on where you want to go, not where you've been or what you're afraid of; on how you're going to get there, not how you got stuck.
That's right. You'll change your alcoholic behaviors a lot more successfully by NOT focusing on them for the rest of your life.
Moving ahead means changing, getting a better life without an alcohol focus. As obvious as that may sound, it isn't easy. That brings us back to the question of being fully recovered. Granted a 12-Step habit is less destructive than active alcoholism, but it's still a life diminishing focus.
Recovered means you've successfully replaced a set of alcohol fueled behaviors and developed a more rewarding life. It's the best insurance you can get against a return to the bad old days. Yes, occasionally you'll be tempted to revert to your former habits, but having an interesting life which has no room for alcohol abuse is the best way to maintain success.
And:
Secret # 6 - Moderation Is A Possibility, Not A Pipe Dream!
Much as we would all like to scarf down quarts of ice cream and entire packages of Oreos at one sitting, mostly we don't do it. The same goes for hitting the accelerator and driving through our neighborhoods at 100 mph. We don't usually do that either.
Moderation and good judgment go together, whether in eating, driving or drinking.
Just because you got a speeding ticket, or four, doesn't mean you can never drive again or that you have to go to traffic school everyday for 90 days.
Just because you raided the freezer for ice cream a few too many times doesn't mean you can never eat dessert again.
But, most of you have been told that if you drink too much, you have to stop drinking. Forever and ever and ever. And never drink even one tiny little glass of wine or beer or you will soon be a hopeless drunk living under a freeway bridge, in a box, with all your possessions in a grocery cart.
And that is what 12-step programs and AA want you to believe. That is just ridiculous! Many of you can learn to moderate your drinking or quit for a while and once you have things under control, go back to drinking at healthy levels.
People call us all the time and the conversations go something like this: "I don't want to quit, I just want to drink less. None of you people will talk to me."
"We will," we say.
So, does that mean it might be possible to drink again sometime once you've gotten a handle on your problem? Yes.
Let's look at the research. The 2001-2002 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions (NESARC), based on a sample of 43,000 U.S. alcoholics, found that two-thirds of the problem drinkers were better and many of those had returned to normal, healthful, drinking patterns!
If you want to try moderating your alcohol use we can help. You may find abstaining easier than moderating, but that should be your choice.
Dr. Edward Wilson has developed alternative alcohol recovery and moderation programs since 1990. He is the co-founder and clinical director of Your Empowering Solutions, Inc. in southern California. http://www.non12step.com
