What NOT To Do When Planning a Bridal Shower #1 - Don't stress out!
Things will happen how they happen. You must be a good and caring person, or you wouldn't be throwing a shower, and you certainly wouldn't have gone through the trouble of looking for web pages like this to make sure it's successful. In the end, the bride will know you did your best and that you did it all out of love and friendship for her. Keep that in mind all the time.
#2 - Don't try to do it all yourself.
Even if you are the only female member of the bridal party, there are plenty of people around to help you out. Ask family, friends, coworkers. People will want to be involved and will welcome a chance to give you a hand. Don't be afraid to ask, and don't be afraid to delegate.
#3 - Don't wait until the last minute.
Function halls are usually rented months in advance. The further ahead you plan, the better off you will be. Even if you decide to have it at someone's house, you still want to give yourself plenty of time to get it all done. Life still happens when you're planning these things, so don't tempt fate and think you can do it all in 3 weeks time.
#4 - Don't be a drill sergeant.
Yes, there may be other people who have a responsibility to help with this shower, and/or have volunteered to help. However, that doesn't mean you can demand things of them or be thoughtless of their feelings. Be flexible. Just because you had it in your head that Jane should make the favors because she's always the crafty one, does not mean she MUST do it. If she says that she would rather be responsible for something else, then go ahead and let her. As long as everyone is pitching in, let it go. Remember rule #1 - it will all get done, so don't stress.
#5 - Don't complain to the bride! EVER!
This goes for before, during and after the shower. While some brides are surprised by their showers, some know about it in advance, especially if they have very hectic schedules. Absolutely never, ever call to tell her that so-and-so hasn't paid you her share of the rental hall or that this one still hasn't bothered to order the cake yet. She doesn't need to know about it. Remember, she's planning a wedding - she's got enough to handle. Be a grown up and deal with it. This also applies to the mothers. Do not call the mother of the bride or groom to rat out another bridesmaid in hopes that Mom will step in and straighten things out. She has waited for her child's wedding for years. Don't you be the cause of any dark cloud that hovers over this happy time. If you really need to vent, talk to someone who is not involved in the shower or wedding at all. Heck - email me if you want to - I'll listen to you. But don't tell the bride, the moms, and certainly none of the other wedding party. I promise you - sooner or later, it will come back to haunt you that you complained about someone. Save yourself the grief.
Also, just because the shower is over, don't think while the bride compliments you on a job well done that it is now time to tell her how you did everything and those lazy bridesmaids were nothing but trouble. If you even think you might be the type of person who would go back after and complain to the bride – whether later that day, week, month or years later - then stop what you're doing now and give over the reigns to someone else. There's no point in throwing a shower for someone if you are going to ruin all the happiness you've worked so hard to create by being a complainer.
Why am I harping on this so much? Because it happens. As God is my witness, it happens all the time. I've heard so many stories about how petty squabbles over things that in the end are really not very important ended up ruining the shower for the bride.
This is the #1 all time biggest reason for a shower to be remembered badly. Not the location, date, weather, food, - nothing. This is the joy killer.
Afraid another member of the group might be the "joy killer"? Talk to the other involved members quietly and constructively. Tell them while Mary means well and is trying to help, you worry that she may complain to the bride later on because that's her M.O. Ask the others to help you find a way to minimize any reasons to complain that Mary might find. If she really is a habitual complainer, the bride not only knows it, but is probably waiting in dread for the complaints to start. While this will still dampen things slightly for the bride, she went into this situation knowing who she was picking for a bridal party. It won't have the same effect on her as it would if it were someone not known for this behavior.
Ok - down off my soap box and on to other matters
#6 - Don't go overboard.
Just because the bride is your best friend, or even your only sister, does not mean you have to pull out all the stops. You know the saying "it's the thought that counts"? Guess what - that really does apply here. You don't need to shell out for fancy digs at some swanky restaurant and have it all catered. Could it really mean more to the bride than a pot luck buffet at your local VFW? No - no way. Time. Thought. Effort. They are the keys to a successful shower. Not money. Not status. Got a mom involved who thinks her daughter or future daughter-in-law should have her shower at the local country club or the "In" restaurant? Tell her very politely, yet very firmly, that you can understand her point of view, however, those responsible for the shower have other ideas. While you appreciate her suggestions, you want the shower to have the atmosphere and signature style the bride looks forward to at events with her friends. Tell her that you know that that is what would be most enjoyable for the bride.
Also, under this topic, don't go overboard on food (already covered that, but what the heck!). Don't blow the bank on favors or centerpieces either. Remember, favors are just little trinkets, mementos. You don't have to get a Tiffany keychain for every guest! (although if you are, can I be invited too?)
#7 - Don't get bogged down in the details.
Remember #1? Yeah - ok - so this should be easy. You've got your plan, you've got your helpers, everyone has their tasks. Don't have a cow over whether the party store has dusty pink balloons instead of mauve. Who cares? Pink is pink! The person who was going to bring lasagna called the night before and has a broken leg? Worry more about the broken leg than the lasagna. There will be plenty of food. If you have to, stop at the market on your way to the hall. Buy a frozen one, or get something from the ready to eat section that most markets have at the deli now. You find out that the person making the centerpieces took it upon herself to go in another direction? Well, what's done is done. At least someone made the centerpieces! The glass is half full as long as you want it to be.
Remember, at the end of the day, when the bride gives you a big hug and thanks you profusely for all you did, none of these little things will be important. The bride is happy. End of story.
