Widowhood

One thinks that this condition happens only to elderly people, but the possibility is there for any married person at any age as well as for anyone who has lost a life partner.

Even though millions of people go through this experience, it still feels as though you are completely alone when it happens to you. Learning to cope with the experience is not a lesson anyone wants to educate themselves about, but it is something that can make it possible to continue life and find pleasure in the new single world that you are forced to be a part of.

I am sure most people are angry when they lose a spouse. They may be angry at the spouse for dying and leaving them and they can be angry at themselves for not being able to prevent the death in some way. This is irrational but it happens. If you realize that is a normal reaction it may help to cope with it.

I felt guilty when my husband died suddenly of a stoke because I did not see it coming. In retrospect there were the typical signs of a pending stroke. But neither of us paid attention to them. It is very important to learn what these signs are and recognize them when either you or someone you know is experiencing them. My husband experienced several of these signs the evening before he had a stroke. One of them being that he had trouble seeing in one of his eyes.

When a spouse dies there is a lot of activity for a short time because you and your family need to make whatever funeral arrangements are best for your family. I believe a funeral is a very important ritual that enables family and friends to say goodbye and spend time reminiscing. This helps for a short time, but then most people who suffer loss of a spouse begin to experience loneliness and despair when you realize that it is real and they are not going to come back.

One of the hardest things I had to do was learn how to manage all of my business affairs regarding my household and my financial situation. My husband had been in charge of bill paying and every other financial aspect in our house. I didn’t even know how to use a cash machine. I had to contact the bank, Social Security, credit card companies, insurance, and learn how to manage money. Most of all, I had to figure out if I had enough to live on and other important issues.

In retrospect I now know how important it is for individuals to become educated about personal finance and money management. Everyone needs to be able to be in charge of their own lives, even if it is often more comfortable to let others take over instead.

My way of coping was to continue to live as fully as I could by myself by keeping busy and involving myself in community and cultural activities. My husband and I had concert and theater subscriptions and I continued these by myself. If I want to see a movie, I go to it. I have learned to be independent and not rely on finding someone to accompany me when I would like to do something. I don’t enjoy going out to a restaurant by myself and I usually save that experience for sharing with friends. I do cook meals for myself and serve myself a nice dinner every day.

I would rather not be a widow, but since I am, I want to enjoy my life by staying healthy, learning and experiencing new things, helping others and my family, appreciate my friends, and continue to make art.